See how sample essays can help you
Read this original essay written by me. Then look at the answer submitted as a comment. It’s a great example of how the system can work.
See how the learner essay
follows the basic 5 paragraph pattern of the model essay
uses the same sentence structures
borrows words and phrases
Read my model IELTS essay
It is certainly true that the more people nowadays do not have a close relationship with their neighbours and that this has weakened communities in our cities. This is probably due to a combination of our more mobile society and the nature of new building developments and is a problem that will require better planning policies.
One main cause of this change is the trend for people to move home to find work. This mobility means that there is less chance for people to put down roots in a community and establish relationships with their neighbours. If, for example, a person moves city once every five years then it is most unlikely that they will form lasting relationships where they live.
Another important factor is that when people move into a new area they often live in apartment blocks and not houses. This matters because these blocks do not have common social areas where people can meet each other in the same way as is possible in more traditional housing estates. It is possible for people who live in these new high rise buildings never to see each other, still less get to know each other well enough to form a bond.
Any solution to this problem will probably involve local government adopting planning policies that are focused on the community. While it is unlikely that anything can be done about social mobility, it is possible for local authorities to encourage a greater sense of community by ensuring new building developments have social spaces where people can meet each other regularly. These could include green spaces where children can play together, local markets and community halls.
My conclusion is that there may be nothing to be done about social mobility but it is possible for local government to foster a greater sense of community by ensuring new developments are more community friendly.
Now see learner version – it borrows and adapts
It is certainly true that the more people nowadays do not have a close relationship with their neighbours and that this has weakened communities in our cities. This is probably due to the change in work patterns and entertaniment culture and is a problem that will require better planning policies.
One main cause of this change is city dwellers’ daily working patterns. This means that the more citizens in the metropolitan areas are inclined to work longer and often commute for over one or two hours. This matters because the more city people spend most time at the workplace, the less they absolutely interact with their neighbours.
Another important factor is that there is a change in how city people spend their leisure time. As the advance in technology seems to be apparent, watching TV, playing video games and surfing the Internet have replaced our traditional entertainment culture, such as going camping and playing conventional games with their neighbours. It ispossible for young people who are addicted to new industrial entertainment devices never to talk to their next doors.
Any solution to this problem will probably generate the effort of local governments to adopt new policies that are focused on the communities.It is possible for governments to encourage cooperations to create new regulation which do not allow employees to work longer, and for local authorities to establish a lot of clubs where residents can socialize each other. These could, for instance, be social sports match, local markets and community halls.
My conclusion is that due to the change of working patterns and individuals’ leisure habit, a sense of bonding with neighbours have weakened. However, it is feasible for firms and local officials to foster a greater sense of community by ensuring new development are more community friendly.
How to use the sample essays for vocabulary
One way to use these samples is to find vocabulary you can use for yourself. This vocabulary can be divided into:
- topic vocabulary – specific vocabulary relating to the topic of the question
- structural/organising vocabulary (eg “One point to note is..”)
- academic vocabulary
Here is my link to useful vocabulary to structure an essay. You can practise the academic vocabulary on my Academic Word Listpage where you will find an interactive quiz on each essay.
How to use the sample essays for essay structure
Another way to use these essays is to see how an IELTS essay is structured:
- note how the introduction addresses the question and leads into the main body of the essay
- identify the main point of each topic paragraph
- note how the topic paragraphs link to each other (do they present similar or contrasting attitudes?)
- note the functions of the conclusion: to summarise and/or present the answer to the question
How to use the sample essays for paragraph structure
Note how each paragraph focuses on one main idea and how that idea is expanded by the use of examples and reasons. You will find more about this under coherence.
The key words in the title are practical and exam. Last week I ran a “competition” to write an essay on aid and poverty. The essays I received were spectacularly good and I do suggest you check them out in the comments section. My one worry though was were they really practical essays in an exam. My essay, which you will find below, is I think much simpler than almost all the essays I received – and perhaps a more practical model for exams.
I should add that these are mostly band score 8.0 writing tips and are written especially for candidates who are aiming high. The moral is:
the road to band score 8.0 often means doing the simple things well
1. Read – write – read – write – read – write – read – write – read – write – read
What does this mean? It means that you should go back and read the paragraph you have just written before you start the next one. You may think that this is a waste of time. If so, you’d be wrong.
- It’s important to link your paragraphs together – what more practical way to do that than just read what you have written?
- It helps you with words for the next paragraph – it is good to repeat some words as this improves your coherence. Look at my sample essay to see how I repeat/reflect language. In one paragraph I talk about the short term, this makes it easy to move onto the long term in the next paragraph.
- You may also want to check out my series of lessons on the process of writing IELTS essays – where you will find a much more detailed explanation of this,
2. Don’t be smart, be clear – select your best idea
One of my very first posts/articles on this site was headed “IELTS is not a test of intelligence”. While the post itself now looks a little old, the advice is still good. You are being tested on the quality of your English, not on the quality of your ideas.
This advice is particularly important for candidates who come from an academic background where they are used to being graded on quality and quantity of ideas. IELTS is different: it is quite possible to write a band 9.0 essay and not include some key “academic” ideas, let alone all the ideas.
The practical advice here is to select your best idea and write about that. That means not writing everything you know – leave some ideas out. Don’t worry if it is not your best explanation, worry about whether it is your clearest explanation.
3. Write about what you know – relax about ideas
This is a similar idea. IELTS is an international exam (that’s the “I” in IELTS) and the questions are written to be answered by anyone around the world. Some people stress about finding ideas. They shouldn’t. The ideas you need are generally simple (eg”I disagree”, “This is not a good idea”).
The practical solution is to think about what YOU know and what YOUR experience is. If you look at the question, this is what it tells you to do. If you come from Bonn, write about Bonn; if you come from Ulan Bator, write about Ulan Bator!
4. Examples are easier to write than explanations
In an exam you are under pressure. You want to make things as easy for yourself as possible. One practical idea to achieve this is to focus as much on examples as explanations when you write. Why?
It’s simply harder if you only think “because”. Some of the ideas may be very complex and, under pressure, it can be difficult to explain these with reasons. What may happen is that your sentences become too long and the ideas confused.
The practical bit is to concentrate as much on examples. This is a good idea as examples tend to be easier to write as you are simply describing situations. You should also note that the instructions tell you to use examples! All you need to do is make sure that your examples are relevant to the main idea.
5. Don’t write too much – the examiner is paid by the minute
There is no upper word limit I know of, but it really isn’t a good idea to write 350 words or more. Here’s why:
- Examiners will only spend so much time looking at any essay. Write too much and they will read what you wrote “less carefully”. It is easier to read/grade a 300 word essay than a 400 word essay!
- The more you write, the more likely you are to make language mistakes.
- The more you write, the more likely you are to go off topic. The examiner won’t read/grade anything that doesn’t directly relate to the question.
- If you write less, you give yourself more time to choose the best words – and that’s what you are being graded on.
- If you write less, you give yourself more time to go back and check what you have written.
6. Writer – know yourself
One of the most famous philosophical thoughts is “know yourself”. How does this apply to exam writing? Did Plato really have IELTS in mind when he wrote his dialogues? Well, no, but…
The idea is that you should check for your mistakes when you write. The practical part here is that you shouldn’t check for mistakes generally – that’s too hard and probably a waste of time in the exam. What isn’t a waste of time though is to look for mistakes you know you can correct – the ones you normally make!
The really practical thing is to have your own checklist in your head before you start writing.
7. See the whole essay in your head before you start writing
It’s very important that your essay is a whole – that all the bits fit together. If you don’t do that, you may lose significant marks for both coherence and task response.
This means planning of course. Planning bothers some people and bores others. There are different ways to do this, but at the very least have a map of your essay in your head.
8. Focus on the backbone of your essay
This is a related point. All the essay matters of course, but perhaps some bits matter more than others. I’d suggest the practical thing to do is concentrate on the backbone of your essay, the bits that help you write better and the examiner to understand better. The backbone is:
- The introduction: this should identify the question and outline your position. Don’t rush it as it is the first thing the examiner will read. First impressions count.
- The first/topic sentences of each paragraph: these should be clear and to the point. They should identify exactly what that paragraph is about and show how it relates to the rest of the essay. The practical tip is to keep the detail/clever ideas for the body of the paragraph. Start off general and then build towards the specific.
- The conclusion: this is the easiest part of the essay normally. Most often, all you need to do is go back to the introduction and rephrase it
Get these bits right and the rest of the essay tends to take care of itself.
9. Don’t just practice whole essays
The best way to learn to write essays is to write essays? True or false? My answer is a bit of both.
Yes, you do need to practise writing complete essays, but it may be a mistake to do only that. The different part of essays require slightly different skills. To write an introduction, you need to be able to paraphrase the question. To write a body paragraph, you need to be able to explain ideas. To write a conclusion, you need to be able summarise.
The practical suggestion is to practise writing introductions, body paragraphs and conclusions separately. Focus on skills.
10. Focus on the question and refocus on the question
I have left this one to last as it is for me the most important idea. Essays go wrong for different reasons. Some of these you may not be able to avoid: the quality of your English may not be good enough yet. The one mistake you can always avoid is that you didn’t answer the question. Too many essays go wrong because candidates didn’t read and think about the question properly.
The practical suggestion: before you write each paragraph, refer back to the question to remind yourself about what you are meant to write about.
It is very easy to get carried away in exams. You may start off on topic, then you have a “good idea” as you write. So you write about that. Sadly, that “good idea” may not fully relate to the question. Big problem.
My sample essay on poverty and aid
This essay which you can download below is intended to be an example of the ideas in this post.
- It is fairly simple in structure.
- It focuses clearly on the question
- I left many of my best ideas out. I concentrated on what I could explain clearly.
- It comes in at only just over 300 words.
Download the essayPoverty and aid essay (28781)
More writing advice
This is where I catalogue all my writing materials. If you are looking for more specific advice, this is the place to start.
My other essay writing tips
The ideas here are similar and you will find more general guidance on dos and don’ts in IELTS essays.